Questions & Answers about Narcissistic Abuse & Recovery... Helping YOU to understand this virulent form of insidious, toxic abuse, and what you can do to protect yourself and start healing. 

Does your Narcissist really hate you?

Does your Narcissist really hate you?

Answer: Unfortunately, it's not good! 


It's not a nice question to ask, but unfortunately, the brutal truth is that you have to ask yourself this question, and the brutal answer is YES. I encourage you to burst the bubble if you believe otherwise if you're in a romantic relationship with a Narcissist. 


They hate you because they can't stand to see your authentic, beautiful self. You reflect all the things they will never be, and that's why they set out to destroy you. First they trap you into falling in love with them, during the 'Love-Bombing' or 'Idealization' stage. This is where they believe that you are this perfect, ideal love that will make them happy and complete, and by 'Mirroring' everything about you, they create this powerful bond and you DO fall heavily for them. This provides tons of positive fuel to feed their monstrous egos, but they are incapable of hiding their true, ugly self for very long. 


The 'false self' that they show to you in the beginning is a carefully crafted facade designed to charm, woo and win you. And you have no idea that this is going on. You think you've met your soul-mate, your dream lover. You're in so deep that by the time the ugly real person who is the Narcissist appears, you're well and truly addicted and you don't know what the heck you've done wrong.


This outrageous behaviour, after the period of love-bombing, sends you into a complete tailspin. This is when Cognitive Dissonance kicks in - basically, that's when you have two conflicting ideas in your head that just don't add up. You can't reconcile this wonderful person who wooed and won you, with this horrible new monster that has suddenly shown up. It's Dr Jekyll and Mr/Ms Hyde showing up in your life. 


One minute this Narc was professing profound and deep love for you, the next they are treating you like dirt. You brain can't compute the very disparate behaviours coming out of the same person. So you start blaming yourself, thinking it must be something you've done wrong, it must be your fault, because let's face it, this person was just so wonderful before. So now YOU start second-guessing yourself, modifying your behaviour and trying very hard not to upset them again. This helps them gain more control over you, because now you're unsure of yourself. They are grooming you for more abuse. This is just the beginning of their hate campaign against you. Unlike normal people who break up when the relationship loses its sparkle, the Narcissist wants to break YOU first. Then they want to trample you into the ground, and sail on to their next target. And as soon as they hook up with their next target, they will rub it in your face at every opportunity, if you give them that opportunity. They will leave you in emotional shreds. You'll be unable to eat, sleep, even go to work. 


So does this sound like the behaviour of someone who loves you (or who loved you at some point)?  Would someone who loved you ever inflict this kind of pain on you? The answers is NO, they wouldn't. Only a Narcissist would. They stick the knife in, and then they twist it, and twist it. So yes, they hate you. They hate everyone but themselves.  


Little wonder that being in a relationship with a Narcissist really screws with your mind. But... if you're in the discard stage, remember what I keep saying: It's the Narc who's sick... mentally disordered. Not you! Ground yourself in the reality of who you really are and stop thinking it's your fault, because it's not. You have to start realising the truth of what you have been dealing with, and getting your sanity back. And you CAN do it. I know it might seem impossible if you're going through the trauma of being discarded right now, but you can get over it. 


If this sounds like something you need support with right now, check my Contacts page and let’s connect. Sometimes, just reaching out to talk to someone can be the first big step in your healing journey. Don't be afraid to take that step!

Maria McMahon